Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Bungalow

The Bungalow
2202 W Kennedy Blvd, Tampa 33606

Mr. Darcy deliberately avoided going to The Bungalow until recently because 1). It was new and we believe in letting a place “settle” before casting our critical eye. 2). All of the local wanna-be foodies were descending upon the place in droves, falling over themselves while trying to force their witless brain-boxes into delivering a smart review. 3). The notion there may be two abysmal places in Tampa with “Bungalow” in the name was too disconcerting for a man of Mr. Darcy’s sensibilities.

So it came to be, with trepidation we met a dear friend for lunch at The Bungalow and within less than ten interminable minutes we wished we had remained stuck in the nonsensical traffic that plagues South Tampa. With no one to seat us, and standing longer than should be allowed even at a poorly run chain joint, we decided to situate ourselves. We selected one of the peculiarly high tables on the outside patio. A worn-down, frayed male server brushed past, we enquired if menus would be possible. Mr. Grumpy (we whimsically named the sweating, disheveled fellow) managed to return to our table with menus but of course no cutlery, place settings or the time to take our order for drinks. Eventually, Mr. Grumpy did return to our table and mouthed to no one in particular “Drinks?” One-word sentences can be useful we have found in the mountain villages of Uzbekistan but we believe a little out of place in Tampa Bay. Mr. Grumpy took our order without another word and grumped away. By now we had more than enough time to peruse the startlingly boring menu and decided we could safely predict the quality and presentation of whatever we dared to select. A perky waitress appeared with our drinks and proceeded to do the unforgivable by asking us “who was having what”. Another long period of no service allowed us to look around and study the fine building, definitely a classic example of early 20th century “Bungalow” architecture a generic descendant of the American Arts & Craft movement. Unfortunately, the clumsy, cheap and dull furnishings yet again perfectly illustrate the “lipstick on a pig” syndrome, only this time in reverse.

Bumping past once again came Mr. Grumpy so we requested he please take our order. Clearly intent on being economical with his charming verbiage, he did not say a word, only indicating he was ready by making a nodding gesture toward each of us. He scribbled furiously on his dog-eared pad, made a grunt and vanished. We ordered the following appetizers: Bungalow Guacamole and Chips, Smoked Fish Dip and Jerk Marinated Chicken Satay. Not one of these dishes could be remotely classed as enjoyable. For entrees we selected: Chili Marinated Salmon Salad, Mojo Marinated Pulled Pork and Florida Grouper. The salmon was dry, the pork too salty and the grouper bland. The napkins and cutlery arrived upon our request after the food was already on the table. Mr. Grumpy did not visit our table again, in order to settle our bill, we summoned the perky waitress. She half-heartedly attempted to encourage us to sample the Apple Pie, we declined and made a hasty exit into the snarling Kennedy traffic.

Of course, in order to be fair to write a review we have visited The Bungalow on subsequent occasions. Sad to report, our first visit was the most interesting. If we ignored the utter lack of discipline and training of the staff and the inexcusable disregard for taste and design in a beautiful structure, we are still left with the food. A reasonable description would be “standard beach bar eats”, nothing more. Evidently the owners agree and proudly promote the inclusion of over a dozen flat screens as a draw to The Bungalow. If you are looking for yet another sports bar that serves food then this may be your place. If you were anxiously longing for a new dinning experience to add to the sad list of possible contenders in Tampa Bay, The Bungalow is not one.

Food: Flat screen infused
Service: Flat out awful
Ambience: Flat